The Radical Catholic

I failed.

I tried to do everything. I tried to fix everything.

I couldn’t.

But once I said I failed, it was the most freeing thing I could say.

I’ve spent so much of my life covering up my faults. I’ve dedicated so much energy to denying my mistakes or blaming others for them. Life was so tiring.

But I had to.

I couldn’t admit my weaknesses. To do so would mean to die psychologically. Who was I if I couldn’t control or fix everything? What would be my worth?

This self-centeredness drove me to do many things out of survival that I’m not proud of. I didn’t know any other way to live in a world that seemed so competitive and limited in resources. If I didn’t watch out for me, who would?

But, thankfully, today, I can say that I failed.

Because of Jesus Christ, I can finally rest my weary self.

All I need to do is turn to him, be honest about my failings, and let him take the lead.

I failed, but it doesn’t matter.

I can rely on Jesus’ love and power today because of his willingness to suffer, die and be resurrected 2,000 years ago.

I can ask Jesus to live in me. Although his choices may sometimes seem challenging, they lead to his life, where my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I still have work to do. I must continuously surrender to Jesus all that is not holy within me, listen for the Holy Spirit’s guidance and follow through.

But I no longer worry so much about failing and spending energy covering it up.

Because the more I ask Jesus Christ to live in me, the more I live and move and have my being in him.

Amen.

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